At family events is this happening more and more frequently?
On the one hand individuals are reluctant to put forward their point of view, on the other hand sometimes they do so without due consideration for others
The atmosphere is getting more tense
There are more and more covert non verbal signals i.e. nods, winks and eyes rolling
Little things are upsetting everyone
There’s a strained politeness creeping in
More arguments with the children
Less laughter than normal
What in the past have you allowed to happen, does any of this sound familiar?
You’ve agreed with others when you’d actually prefer to do something else
You’ve resisted speaking up when you’ve been unhappy about a decision
You’ve sought to avoid conflict
You’ve let the little niggles grow into big issues
You always see both sides of the argument and are reluctant to choose one way or the other
You don’t want to upset anyone
You’ve let others take responsibility for sorting things out
You blame others when things aren’t going right rather than look at your part in the dispute
What different mindset would be helpful?
‘This is my family after all – we should be able to discuss our different expectations’
‘We don’t all have to do the same things at the same time’
‘I don’t have to agree with everything, I can state my preferences
‘We all have different expectations – we can talk about them’
‘I’m responsible for my own behaviour, they are for theirs’
‘If there’s an awkward exchange I can keep calm’
‘I can give everyone their own space and time
‘I don’t have to get upset by the small things, I can put them into perspective’
What win:win outcomes are possible?
We can be honest with each other: relationships are strengthened not diminished
The air is cleared, hidden agendas are out in the open: we trust one another more and feel more at ease
We can say what we need to say without feeling guilty: we learn more about one another’s preferences
Expectations are largely meet: we all have the rest and fun we had hoped for
We’ve learnt from this experience: we know how to do this again in the future
