Is this currently happening?……
You’re becoming increasingly tired because you’re doing everything
You’re feeling more put upon and taken for granted
You either suppress your anger or you lose your temper at the smallest thing
You say to yourself ‘I can’t cope with this any longer’
What different mindset would be helpful to you?
‘I don’t have to let things continue as they are. I can talk to everyone calmly about my expectations and I can ask them about theirs’
‘I don’t have to tackle everything at once I can start with something small and build on it’.
‘If I’m fair and reasonable I can encourage others to co-operate’
‘Being firm, fair and consistent will get me more respect’
What permission do you need to give yourself to tackle situations at home assertively?
- the right to be helped
- the right to be a helper not a do’er
- the right to agree expectations and have them met
- the right to have a well-balanced life
Actions – what can you do?
Challenging the status quo at home can be quite stressful, especially if you haven’t before. The temptation would be either to challenge people submissively, not wanting to upset them or cause an argument, or you may want to hammer home your point and command that they respect you.
Clarify your expectations:
You may decide the first thing you want to tackle might be help with the cleaning/tidying up. Problems often occur in relationships when people have different expectations of each other, and these are not clarified. You can clarify the situation:
‘At the moment what’s going on doesn’t work for me. I’d like everyone to be pulling their weight more and share the chores particularly with the cleaning & tidying up’
‘In future if you get up and there’s washing in the machine please hang it up
‘I think that’s fair how do you feel about that?
So now you have clarity of expectations and hopefully agreement too.
