ASSERTIVENESS TO GET WHAT YOU WANT
Everybody needs Respect. It’s easier to do anything with anyone when you are held in respect and so difficult without it.
Respect comes from within – no one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself.
In Part 1 of this article we looked at the part our BELIEFS played in achieving self respect. We now consider how personal RIGHTS support our Beliefs.
GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION
The lack of the ability to speak for instance up may not be associated with deeper underlying beliefs but may be a product of muddled thinking about personal rights.
At times we may have said either to our self or to others, ‘have I got the right to do or say that’. Rights are something we are justly entitled to, do not have to ask others’ permission for and act as personal permission to say or do things. When we are clear about our rights we are more likely to make them come true, e.g. I have a Right to my own views and opinions; I have the right to express them openly and honestly; I have the right to ask questions if I am confused or don’t know.
Make it work
o The Rights you have in situations where you do not speak out – think of as many Rights as you can, e.g. the Right to have an opinion, the Right to be heard, the Right to ask questions, the right to be yourself etc
o Consider the benefits to yourself and others when you action these Rights
o Think of the specific behaviours of yours that support these Rights.
o For many people writing these Rights down on paper and repeating them as an act of affirmation helps – a curious magic occurs when the words are translated to paper.
o Reward yourself with some treat to reinforce the behaviour you have used.
o As Stephen Covey said, ‘when you pick up one end of the stick you pick up the other end as well’. Every right has a responsibility.
o Where you observe a right for yourself and deny that same right to another you are likely to behave selfishly or aggressively. Although this may indeed spur you on to speak where you haven’t before, the consequences may not be favourable but you will get noticed.
o You may have a Right in a situation to speak out or be heard but may chose not to act on it because of other sensitivities. Timing is a considerable inter personal gift – choosing the best moment to speak or to hold back.
o If you are unsure whether you have a Right in a particular situation, you always have the right to check it out with someone else rather than charge in and act foolishly.
Standing up for yourself is about finding the balance between your own needs and that of others. The moral is to cherish yourself and others equally.
For more detailed information about these ideas and how to gain respect and influence better at work and at home contact us at www.teamskills.co.uk or telephone Conrad or Suzanne Potts on +44 (0) 1903 778977. We run a number of assertiveness training courses in and around Worthing, Brighton, Crawley and Sussex or we can run bespoke courses in-house.