HOW TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND GAIN RESPECT

Ask anyone you meet how they would they like to be treated at work. At the top of most peoples’ list is the desire to be treated with dignity and respect.

In this 2 part blog we look at how you achieve this through the Beliefs we hold about ourselves and in the second part, the Rights we give, deny ourselves and others.

I FELT TALKED DOWN, TALKED OVER AND DISRESPECTED

“I’m phoning you to thank you for getting me my life back – I’m literally jumping for joy, pinching myself in disbelief – for over 15 years I have allowed myself to endure a relationship with my boss – I have felt talked down, talked over,  disregarded and disrespected. Today I started to change that: I managed to walk into my boss’ office, look him in the eye and calmly and very resolutely asserted my opinions on a work problem that has been troubling me for months. And this is the amazing bit……he sat there, begrudgingly listened and agreed with them.”

As a coach I just sat there celebrating her re-connection with her personal power and sense of self worth.

SPEAKING UPFOR OURSELVES IS DAUNTING

For many of us speaking up for ourselves is a daunting task – difficult enough to do 1 to 1 but even harder when in a group or in front of other people. We can hear our voice tremble, experience our body shaking and feel our heart pounding and racing. So much easier to let the moment go by and stay quiet.

When we do, we invariably lose out. So do our colleagues and others around us. Everyone would benefit if we had the courage to take a deep breath, engage our mind and heart and say what we want.

We need to shift the energy from self protection and introspection to projection and engagement through our views and ideas.

Let’s look at our BELIEFS and how they help or hinder our sense of self worth

WE ARE MADE TO FEEL GUILTY OR SELFISH

Some of us grew up in a generation where we were told ‘wants don’t get’, ‘children are heard and not seen’. Such early imprinting can make us reluctant to stand up for our own needs and wants.

We begin to believe conflict and standing up for yourself is not a good thing and if we do we are made to feel guilty or selfish. And so we take on a belief that insidiously can ‘make us’ reluctant to stand up for ourselves and our views. Such beliefs are disempowering they prevent us from growing, developing and changing the world in which we live from becoming more rewarding.

Make it work

• Ask yourself: How you see the situation – What      would it take to deal with the situation standing up for yourself in a way      that is successful?  What would you      need to believe about yourself? What would you have to believe about      others?
• What are the disempowering beliefs? How would you      change or reframe these to make them empowering, achievable, albeit      challenging.
• Have there been occasions in the past when they      can recall standing up for yourself very successfully and you achieved      what you wanted?
• Can you remember this occasion and recall how you      behaved, what you did, and what you believed at this time?
• Do you know anyone who you think is very      competent at stating their own views in a way that earns respect? What do      they believe about themselves and others? Ask them and learn from what      goes on for them.

Watch out

• Beliefs that are empowering enhance your potential and bring about win:win results. Beware of beliefs that may deliver a personal sense of power but may not bring about win:win, e.g. my views are more important than anyone else’s and are worth stating in all situations (no matter what).
• Beliefs expressed in the negative are not as self empowering as if it is stated positively – they reduce our motivation to succeed because they emphasise what we don’t want rather than what we do want; and often materialise the negative element in the belief. Better to say “I can remain calm and resolute” rather than, “I won’t be afraid”.
•  Check that holding this belief has no detrimental effect on other parts of their life, e.g. you may normally be very quiet and now become very vocal about everything and may not be as discerning when to speak and when to hold your peace.

For more detailed information about these ideas and how to gain respect and influence better at work and at home contact us at www.teamskills.co.uk or telephone Conrad or Suzanne Potts on +44 (0) 1903 778977